my invaluable friend 
13th july will probably be the day that I'll remember forever. It was the day, when I first met my second dog Nadja at Helsinki-Vantaa airport. Nadja flew into Finland with her breeder Laurent Delheille from Belgium, of Meadows-kennel together with her brother Ville at the age of four months. Laurent promised us to send the registration papers afterwards because he didn't have them yet.
Well, we never got the registration papers, because the breeder stopped contacting us shortly after the puppies got into Finland. These sibling's registrated sister Immensely of Meadows is going through shows around France though.
Nadja came to live with me at my place, as co-owned with Riikka Lainio (kennel Tiggerwoords). Already at the airport the puppy was quite lively and once we got home she was exploring mine & my mom's apartment with pure curiousity. I couldn't see any marks of insecureness or doubtfulness, she was only energetic and curious about everything.
Just like I did with my older dog Titja, me and Nadja headed into unofficial dogs shows, match shows, already at quite young age. Only a month after she had arrived into Finland we visited our first match show. She was a bit shy for the judge in the ring, but overall really lively and well-behaving puppy. I didn't see anything wrong with her behaviour so you could say I was really proud of her.
The dog grew up little by little. I was able to keep her free outside, she never paid attention on unknown dogs or people around us. We visited at the dog beach often for socializing with other dogs and dog people. The puppy was quite greedy with food and happy, but at the same time really strong-headed and testing Titja's nevers. She also learned how to use her voice and literally fell in love with it by beginning to express herself through barking during the end of the year.
Later on I figured her to be a bit shy towards all the new people. Only at the age of 5 months she tried to nip some child when she couldn't escape from the situation, so I believed that to be purely my own fault and avoided it to happen afterwards again. The child that time probably didn't even notice what almost happened and Nadja's been fine around children even after that.
As the spring was coming, Nadja began to use her own voice more and more. Her barking started to be a serious problem since she alarmed every single sound from outside the apartment and all the other dogs passing by outside. She began to pull on the leash more and more, so I had to buy another special leash to calm her rushing down a bit. The puppy tried to be really bossy towards Titja and began aggressive over the food, which made Titja to stress about her own eating. I changed to feed them in the different rooms. The first real problems with the dog came out.
During April 2010 I moved into my own apartment with my dogs. Nadja came to her first heat shortly after, which changed her behaviour a lot. She started to pick up the smallest reasons to attack Titja. Once I tried to separate dogs from each other, Nadja turned around and jumped straight up trying to reach my neck, only ripping off my necklace that broke in her teeth. I swore to myself that she didn't really mean it and it was my own fault for going between two fighting dogs, so I didn't take that in a serious way.
She gathered herself all kind of fears and got easily scared about the smallest changes around her. Calming down always took its own time with her and she seemed not to be able to take any single change in our normal daily routine at home. I started to call her a routine-dog.
She became a living nightmare outside. She didn't only bark for the other dogs around us, but also for people. She's also been always quite insecure towards all men, but her unsureness grew more and more. The only man she ever learned to bear with was my own brother. Even then her behaviour always changed once my brother was around, she became apologetical, a bit fearful and stressful, even somewhat insinuating what she normally is not.
If she got free I could only hope that she returned back to get a treat from me. My trust on the dog's behaviour began to slowly disappear.
I probably made the most crazy decision to get a third dog once Nadja was only one and a half year old with an awful behaviour. I tried to make up good enough reasons even to myself for getting Veila, but for now I keep thinking if I already sensed somehow that something's not gonna go right and tried to skip the fact by getting a new puppy. Who knows..
In July I went to take care of the litter for two weekends (that I was supposed to get a puppy from) with my friend Linda just as planned because the breeder was travelling for different dog shows elsewhere. During the first weekend at the breeder's place I had Nadja with me to get used to the thought of a new family member. She didn't seem to have any problems towards the puppies but she became way more stressful than what she's ever been before till now. She was breathing hard, seemed repressed and tried to be in my presence during the weekend more than usually would.
The puppy arrived into my apartment during July and Nadja learned to bear with her just as Titja did. Really outgoing and playful Veila was getting along with Nadja better than expected, her presence didn't bother Nadja at all as much as I thought it would. They even played together quite often, though Nadja never knew how to be careful with the small puppy.
We continued our life with the dogs normally. I tried to train obedience and such with Nadja aswell and I let her free at some peaceful places just as before. The dog worked well with me as long as there weren't anything abnormal around us or when no one unknown appeared all so sudden.
During the autumn I had to get Nadja back time after another when she was barking wildly at some other dogs once she got to run away from me first. She never attacked those dogs though, only barked. Those situations turned her so wild that even trying to get her back on the leash felt useless and frustrating. Many of our dog friends visited us, like they've always done, and Nadja never had any problems with them - except this one, Noomi. Noomi is a bit younger female smooth collie, owned by my friend Linda. Nadja met Noomi for the first time at Veila's & Noomi's breeder's place, when she attacked Noomi for the first time due to getting startled while sleeping. That didn't cause Nadja to hate Noomi yet though.
Nadja started to hate her afterwards. Her hatred towards Noomi grew during the autumn and we couldn't let them to stay together freely anymore. Nadjas eyes were full of hate once she saw Noomi around.
Leaving the dog alone at home became a problem aswell. She didn't destroy anything but she used her voice a lot, what made me stressful thinking that my neighbours might try to get me a warning for it - I never got such though.
Young dog full of unused energy and unable to release it all out. She loved running, but I couldn't let her free as often as needed because she wasn't trustable enough.
She became even more challenging and untrustable, starting to release her own self by aggressiveness.
The dog's unsureness towards unknown people got deeper. I got asked to brng her with me into new show judge's judging exam during October because of her merle color, and I really hesitated to bring her in there. I still gave it a chance but I figured fast at the exam place that she's stressing the whole situation. She didn't have fun at all, she got restless and didn't want to show herself even if we have trained showing a lot before at home and at match shows. She didn't really let the upcoming judges to touch her and once the last person was about to try, I told him how Nadja's afraid of men (knowing that at real shows you're not allowed to talk to judges at all unless they talk to you, but I didn't want to stress Nadja more from what she already was) and he kindly skipped touching her and gave the critique only by what he saw.
We also visited a match show just to look around during autumn, since our last visit at such was in spring. I didn't bring her into the show ring at all, for a reason.. she was really restless and only barking at the match show area, making sure her voice was heard non-stop. I asked a few people to give her some treat or try to pet her, but she never was any convinced about such an idea of letting people to touch her. She wasn't like this during the last spring, so what changed her so much?
Once when we were outside with Nadja, trying to get her at my mom's apartment, she literally froze due to shock outside. Next to the apartment building's door was standing an old man with a walking stick, Nadja saw it and backed off behind the open door outside, refusing to move at all. It was noticeable how shocked she was so I had to carry her inside to have her calm down.
A cat arrived into my apartment aswell. First I thought that Nadja's going to rip him off into pieces, seeing how small and twiggy a young cat can be, but she started to keep the cat, who got a name Minus, as her own puppy and nurse him.. even if she wasn't producing milk at all.
The dog got to protect her own stuff more and more. She could have growled at my best friend from the bed when my friend was getting closer to her, not nipping though and she always had to leave after doing so.
In the beginning of December my boyfriend Tomás moved in with us for the following three months from his home country Mexico. First I thought Nadja would get all stressed about his presence but since Tomás himself wasn't really authoritative, he was calm and and harmless, Nadja welcomed him pretty easily and she didn't seem to be that stressful around Tom at all. I was surprised but so damn glad. Nadja sure did know how to surprise me sometimes.
The beginning of the year was pretty promising for us. Outside the dog's behaviour was still like a nightmare, but any changes right after the new year didn't happen. We tried to have Nadja to pull a sled, so she could use her will of pulling for something more useful, but she began unsure about the sled after a really promising start.. meaning she refused to pull it again. During these two months I faced a few situations that made me feel like a lottery winner. Nadja might have came to me after my recall even if there was a human further rom us. She might've been silent once asked. Little things like these got my mind up and made me to trust her again a bit more.
Stress is the common word in our daily life. Every little changes in our normal daily routine affect the dog's behaviour. Because my brother Toni is one of the rare persons who still have enough patience to look after Nadja more than a day, so he promised to look after Nadja for four days straight at his place. That didn't go too well though, she stressed the whole time while she stayed with my brother. She's been there before with me, but since I was gone she got over-stressed. Normally she would inform by scratching the door endlessly when she's in a need to get outside, but at my bro's place she was too scared to do so and did straight inside. Her stomach was a mess due to all the stressing. She didn't even rush to eat as she's used to do at home, only stayed on the sofa so my brother had to literally carry her next to the food bowl so she'd start eating. Listening to this made me quite disappointed about Nadja's full situation.
Unfortunately Nadja's need to attack other dogs increased aswell. Her main target seemed to be my oldest dog Titja. While Tomás still stayed with us I paid attention on Titja's behaviour aswell, how she came closer to me once she noticed any change in Nadja's behaviour. Normally all the attack situations calmed down before they actually even started, at the latest for my yell ”STOP!”. Nadja's reasons to attack another dogs were getting minimalized, I barely could even find any reasons anymore.
The worst started to burn inside of me. In the end of February I contacted Nadja's co-owned Riikka, who I talked the situation through with better than before. She wanted to bring Nadja to some problem behaviour trainer so we reserved her a time at a dog school called Koirakoulu Kit close to the capital city Helsinki in the middle of March.
The most difficult month in my life.
Tomás left back to Mexico in the beginning of this month, what shaked my own mind quite a bit. The more it shaked my mind, it turned around the whole balance in our pack. I've been trying to think if Nadja after all was somewhat nervous and unsure around Tomás that she'd have had to hold herself back a bit, and then release it all out now after he's gone - or does she just sense that I'm feeling down and using it for her own advantage?
Nadja came into her second season and just like her first heat, this one changed her whole a lot aswell. Due to the heat time her time for the dog trainer got moved from this month to the next one, 9th April.
In the beginning of March my best friend Anni was over at my place with her dog Milka. Both of didn't have food, there weren't any toys on the floor, dogs didn't have bones or anything and everything felt quite peaceful untill Nadja all so suddenly attacked Titja. I had never seen her attack any dog that furiously before so it got me a bit scared. I managed to separate them at first and normally they'd have stopped right there, but this time Nadja succeeded to tear herself away and went back to attacking Titja. Anni succeeded to catch Nadja somehow but I still had to cover Titja with my own hand at the same time to unlock Nadja's jaws from my sable. Titja got a bloody wound right under her eye and I believe of her getting halfly blind was only a couple millimetres away. I got a few scars myself aswell during the whole fight and my apartment's floor got covered with blood for the first time by now.
Linda visited us aswell with her dogs Nita and Noomi. We had to keep Noomi and Nadja separated on purpose seeing how Nadja hates her, but due to some mistakes they once got into touch with each other. Nadja wasn't asking any questions that time, she straight attacked Noomi (who doesn't defend herself like at all) and only a few seconds fight caused 8 holes on Noomi. The second time my floor was covered with blood. Nadja had to have a fight with Nita aswell, I got more scars on my hands during that too.
Seeing other dogs, sometimes even seeing my neighbours made Nadja unstoppably wild. She seemed to boil over every time she saw a dog further from her outside. Anni was proving how she almost bit a young boy, around 3-4th grader just when she got close enough.. and she would have succeeded if I didn't pull the leash in the right second. Once she ripped herself off of my hands and ran off with the leash, aiming straight the closest possible dog person. She ran to the Miniature Pinscher barking and I'm glad the owner lifted his dog up so nothing happened between the dogs. Nadja was too unsure to go closer to the owner so she just stayed barking around him till I managed to get her back and told sorry for the person about my dog's horrible behaviour. But to think about it, I wouldn't even want to guess what might happen if she managed to get herself free again - on purpose or not - and there were children close to her.
Normally I've used a water spray bottle to get dogs away from places they aren't supposed to be so I wouldn't have to move them with a physical touch. It was worked well with Nadja aswell before, but recently she began to attack the bottle aswell. Later on she's aimed my hand with the bottle too even if I wasn't even using it towards her.
Besides the water spray bottle she's become more aggressive with our Minus-cat aswell. Even though she actually doesn't attack her the same way as she attacks other dogs, she's still paying more attention on the cat's moving around the apartment and teasing the cat more often.
On the last Tuesday of the month we went to take group photos of our dogs with Anni. We managed to get a few while I tried not to use any treats for the dogs because those might cause a fight between Nadja and some other dog in there. Group photos with all the five dogs succeeded well and we tried to take one of my three girls only (me already knowing it'll be the last one of them). Nadja had already figured about the treats I got with me just in case. She attacked Titja for that. I managed to get her off of the sable but I had to yell at Titja to get her to listen to me aswell, so she got quite a bit ashamed and went down next to me like saying sorry. Nadja boiled over for Titja's reaction and got away from my armpit to attack Titja again. To cover Titja I put my own hand in between, of course.. and all I can tell is the hurt at that moment was painful, only thing I could do was to wait for the dog to let go. Nadja was spitting out blood after that and since no dog was hurt, I'm believing it was mine. I believe the people passing by that place will wonder about all the red blood on the snow.
The wounds weren't actually that bad in the end. Just four holes, one of them bad enough to more or less bleed the whole evening. Not bad enough so I didn't even go see a doctor still.
I started to realise the truth that I've been avoid for long enough. Some people are used to put away their dogs too easily claiming they have a problem behaviour, when they actually do not. But do I really have a problem behaviour dog in my hands? Or is all of this just fully my own fault from the beginning? Our daily life is nothing but easy, not for me nor the dog itself. I couldn't even think about giving her away just because I'm having a hard time with her, but because of her own sressing problems and aggressiveness. With a behaviour like this she can't even live a normal dog life what dogs are supposed to live.
I got closer to the problem by telling everything what has happened to her co-owned Riikka again, who after getting my message contacted the dog trainer and told them everything I had told. On the phone they told to her that bringing this kind of a dog for them would be useless, there's nothing to do about her situation.
Just as much as I've gone through with Nadja.. And as many holes as she's left on me, on my other dogs or on any of my friends' dogs, just as many she'll leave on my heart. It's a common saying that the dog is like its owner, isn't it? I believe Titja is the kind, friendly and peaceful side of me.. and Nadja everything I have inside of me, I'm a stressful and fearful person myself afterall.
So different, but at the same time so similiar. I owe a lot to Nadja, she's been teaching me with her own way a lot about life, about different friendship, trust and missing trust, showed how fast your plans can change in a little time. Her arriving into my life happened fast, and just as fast as she came she seems to be leaving from my life aswell. Everyone deserves a joyful life. Having only a half of it isn't enough - not for anyone.
I'm bringing Nadja tomorrow, on friday, into Valjeto's vet station around at 3:45pm. She'll have her the very last journey from far away this world and this reality, to somewhere where she'll never have to stress and fear anything again. I'm hoping this decision to be the best for both of us, me and her.
My everlasting friend. Forgive me.
The very last group photo of my girls 29.03.2011 before the fight situation, taken by Anni Turkia
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