Everything happened quite fast. Waiting was probably the worst time in my life, I wanted it to be over already and in the other hand I never wanted it to happen. The last night I spent together just with her, my other dogs were elsewhere, and she seemed to sense that everything's not right. She was all the time there for me, listened to me and licked my tears away like saying I shouldn't be sad.
I've cried. A lot. Mostly the past few days and this morning before we went to the vet. My best friend Anni walked with us to the bus stop, there were no words needed anymore between us.
I travelled alone with her. At the vet I was alone. As I saw her fall asleep for the last time I told her how much I've always loved her and how sorry I was for this decision, but that it was for her own sake. I had imagined the situation countless times already and every time it had made me cry.
For real it didn't. As much as I knew I'm going to miss Nadja and as much as it actually hurted me, watching her being unconscious made me feel peaceful. I actually got the feeling that I was doing something right, and everything's going to be alright. She wouldn't have to stress and fear anymore.
The vet was kind and explained all the time what he was doing. At 3:54pm he told me that Nadja's heart had stopped beating. That brought the first tears in my eyes at the vet station. He let me stay with Nadja for around ten minutes more, I kept petting her and thinking about everything we've gone through.
We even had a small conversation with the vet's assistant before I left. I told her the reason for my decision and she was understanding. When she told she needs to take Nadja's body away I touched Nadja's heart-shaped black mark on her right side and let her go. Real tears came when I picked up her leash from the bench and walked outside. In the waiting room I stopped to change fast words with an old woman who had brought her 17-year-old dog for its final journey aswell.
But now I know, you're somewhere without hurt, without stress, without fear. Somewhere where you can be happy again. We'll never forget you and someday we'll meet again across the rainbow bridge.
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.
Linda Toivonen made this beautiful video of Nadja, thank you. ♥
Why did this happen though? See the blog post from yesterday:
korvaamaton ystäväni
my invaluable friend
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